It has been harder for me to sit and write these posts, for some fear of sharing all my thoughts and feelings. I sit with a lot of my old traumas being "home", and see where they want to come up. I have been really doing a great job holding myself with love in the place I have grown to, and reflecting on where I have come from. There is so much I am grateful for here, there are also many reflections of my old self.
Now I am grateful to be able to see them from an outside perspective. There have been many ways in which I would have held my tongue to over accommodate for others feelings, for a fear of others not being happy with what I had to say, or thinking it too "out there" to be true. I have stepped into myself, and have the confidence to share these thoughts and feelings, because I know it serves everyone better to hear it, and for me not to hold back. I have grown to see life as a beautiful creation, that we are truly creators of. We are manifestors and creators of all that goes on, be it in sickness or in health, in happiness and in wealth. Being aware of how we create situations that go on is something I see as the most important. This is how we can create bliss for ourselves. Do you choose to live in heaven, or in hell? The choices, actions, thoughts, feelings you have will dictate which you live in. Focusing on exactly what you want, what you choose and making actions toward the what will allow the how to show you the way.
I am grateful for the reconnection to the source of what brought me to this point, for this is how I know I can help guide others who are seeking this. I don't know everything, I don't have all the answers, what I do know how to do is how to light up the path to your inner God/Goddess. I see where I can reconnect and go deeper into the basis of what had started me on this path, for this is where I will meet others just starting their journey.
A side story: On Friday, my mom, River, and I were in Sachi's room, feeling the energy, grabbing some things to use for the celebration of life. Her plants, some stuffies that remind us of Sachi and her pup, some sage to burn, amongst other things. As we walked over to the closet, I noticed a tarot card on the floor, one from the deck I had bought her for Christmas. The card was The Wheel. I picked it up, and started to feel the message, the knowing our place in this world, the connection to nature, the connection to spirit, the connection to others, the connection to the cyclical patterns of life, how the wheel keeps turning, and the purpose of everything that happens in every moment. Then I looked up in the closet, I saw a book I had loaned to Sachi, The Complete Book of Chakra Healing by Cyndi Dale, my first book about chakras. I had asked her for this book back before I moved to Florida, and she told me she hadn't seen it. My mom told me to shake my fist at Sachi, and in that moment, the lights flickered, a distinct off and on, like an I'm sorry from Sachi. Chakra means wheel of light, and this is the book that taught me that... how interesting that the wheel card was the one on the floor, and the next thing I saw was this book. I know she didnt mean me harm in keeping this book from me, I was meant to get it back in this perfect timing. To always remember this moment, to have Sachi as a part of how I guide others back to themselves, and also to bring me back to the state of pure interest, to want to dive in again with childlike eyes. To learn from this space of the fool or the child, the 0, pure spirit.
A quote that sits with me everytime I return home. I feel I have gained more knowledge and wisdom, and am feeling that I have the will to hold myself in the space I choose. Where I would have crumbled back to old ways in times before.
"If you think you're enlightened, go spend a week with your family." -Ram Dass
I love you 💜 thank you for bei